Kiko’s Kooks

Neocat jokesYou might well form the opinion from the many true stories told on this website that Neocats are definitely not funny.

Through this page, inspired by Community member Anne H., Church Mouse hopes to set the record straight.

If you would like to contribute, please send your jokes to the Church Mouse at

Q & A

Q. How many Neocats does it take to change a light bulb?
A. It’s not for us to say – ask the Parish Priest.

Q. How many Neocat Priests does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None – they hate change and prefer to stay in the dark.

Q. What is the difference between intelligence and ignorance?
A. I don’t know and I don’t care!


Neocatatonic: how one feels after sitting through another Neocat "sermon".

Neocatnap: means of avoiding neocatatonia.

Neocategory: classification used by Neocats to divide a community into us and them.

Neocatabolism: process of breaking down a community through delivery of a sermon.

Neocatafalque: platform from which deadly boring sermons are delivered: thought by Neocats to imbue them with life-like characteristics.

Neocatlike: tunnel vision, lacking in subtlety.

Neocatspaw: digit raised by Neocats as form of abuse of congregation.

Neocatholicism: I am the p p p p parish priest.

The one true faith

A man dies, goes to heaven, and meets St. Peter, who gives him a tour pointing out the different areas occupied by souls of various faiths.

"Over there ", says St. Peter, "are the Episcopalians, and over there the Lutherans. Over there are the Jews, and there are the Muslims. Over there are the Hindus."

Finally, before they get to the next group, St. Peter says "Now be very quiet as we pass this lot. Those are the Neocats, they think they’re the only ones here."

The four-legged members of the flock

Moving Realm SALE

Neocat Heart and Brain
• Made in Madrid 1965
• As new condition
• Suitable for transplant
• Never used

Contact: Neocataclysmic House, Redfern, Sydney Australia

Aboriginal jokes

In response to a guest’s curious request for some Aboriginal Jokes by way of introducing "some balance", here are a couple – possibly not quite what our guest had in mind …

In Phillip Noyce’s first feature film, Backroads (1977), one of the first Australian films to have indigenous collaboration, Bill Hunter’s character, Jack, stops to ask directions from a blackfella sitting by the road. "Hey Jackie, can I take this road to the pub?"

"You might as well, you white bastard. You took everything else."

Three didj players are stranded on an island. One is Aboriginal. The first thing they do is look for hollow logs. They find messmate striplings eaten out by termites, and cut them down with whoops of joy.

The Aborigine does some strange things to his stems, and the other two frown at him, perplexed and slightly embarrassed for him. After a while the two gubbas laugh at him and jeer. "He hasn’t even taken the bark off… it’s full of cracks… and how is that going to play with one end still blocked!" and so forth.

The three continue with their crafting. After an hour or so, the two gubbas make a fire and paint themselves with clay. They sit opposite each other at the fire, and with much solemnity, begin to play.

While they are playing, the Aboriginal fella takes the eel traps he has made and sets them in the creek.

Tyson Yunkaporta
Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply